Cold hands, warm shart.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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