Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
