Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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