I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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