There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
