This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
