woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
