Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
