there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
