So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
