can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
