i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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