are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
