I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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