Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize