this will be a night to untag.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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