that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
