So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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