as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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