It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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