Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
