The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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