You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
