she was so not down for the gang bang
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
