Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
