Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
