does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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