didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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