Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
