Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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