I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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