you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
