that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Oh god it's open bar.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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