If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
