exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
