margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
