I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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