evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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