its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
