Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
