tell your sister to shave her snatch
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
