he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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