Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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