is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
