I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You smell like stripper and shame
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A bitchslap is in order.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
