i don't like sucking hair
I CAN MOONWALK!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
