Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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