i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
