I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
