Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
even my farts smell like vagina
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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