I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
