She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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