you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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